Piper is home. We are home in Seattle. Finally. All of the pieces that have been scattered throughout our hearts and minds have slowly, piece by piece come together. Two weeks ago I still stared at my unfinished puzzle, gaping holes left me breathless and teary eyed. One baby still was not home and her arrival home was postponing our move to Seattle. We were living in a hotel. Nate was leaving in a few days to start his new job. We had no idea when Piper Hope would be discharged. Bent puzzle pieces littered the floor and were scattered all over the table. I felt as if I was staring hopelessly as I wondered how the final pieces would come together to create the beautiful picture Nate and I had dreamed of and the picture the puzzle was supposed to portray.
Nate and I, again, walked into the NICU on Father’s Day toting Lincoln along in his car seat. Another day in the NICU. We felt a different heaviness as we entered the room that day because the following day Nate had to leave for Seattle indefinitely. We went through the motions of caring for our children, loving on them and cuddling with them but the weight of what was about the happen loomed like a cloud about to burst with rain above our heads. It threatened to crack open and send liquid flooding down to drown us at any second. How much more could we take? There seemed to be no end in sight.
However, the doctor had different plans. To make a very long story short, since Piper was going to be going home on an apnea monitor, he did not see any reason to not send her home. Honestly, we could not get out of the NICU fast enough. The first time Piper was discharged, teary hugs and touching goodbyes followed us out of the NICU and it was hard. We were leaving our friends. Our family. This time, none of the nurses who cared for Piper consistently were there so we just packed up quietly and left. No pictures. No tears. Just the 4 of us. Tagging along, however, was fear and nervousness that hid behind our tight lipped smiles. A feeling of dread about what was to come that we did not have the first time we left with Piper enveloped us. We were afraid. Would she have another incident at home? Would she recover? Would we know what to do? How could I take care of two babies with Nate gone? How were we going to get to Seattle? I do not even think we were able to enjoy Piper coming home because her being home opened up another round of stressors and complicated scenarios.
A week after Piper came home we were finally in Seattle. Our new home together as a family. Finally. I cannot believe it. We made it. Piper is doing so well. Lincoln is his usual go with the flow little dude. Thankfully, we did not have to make this transition alone and my mom was able to help us with the move and with the babies. I still feel like I need to pinch myself. I look at the completed puzzle and I cannot believe we made it. We did it. Now I can put this puzzle aside and admire the beauty from the distance while still remembering the pain of the process of putting it together and begin a new one with a picture of our new family in our new home. Home. Home. Home. We are all finally home.